Emails I Get For Jobs….Part II

This is the second installment of an ongoing list I have created that fall under the category of  “Job Opportunities Sent to My Email that Have Zero Chance of Being From Real People/Companies”. These are word-for-word, copied and pasted from the email I received. In this example, there were actually TWO messages contained in ONE email….it came to me as you see it below. It’s kind of like when you get two of the same crappy sale fliers in your mailbox. 

Again, I have highlighted certain areas that are particularly amusing. At some points it is extremely difficult not to channel the voice of Yoda while reading, but TRY HARD, YOU MUST:

This message is sent to you upon examining your resume presented at Carierbuilder.
I want to give some specifications about our enterprise to you. Our company was established in 1983 when its cofounders understood that there was the possibility of making provision of absolutely various pieces of advice and endorsement to undertakings encountering obstacles which are connected with operation and finance spheres, that is, cases requiring objectivity, activity and real aftereffects. Corporate doctors was the comparison for the firm, and therefore the founders established a culture through the years – mixing together operating managers, consultants and functional experts. Beginning with universal tax planning and managing local legislation, our tax skilled practitioner have great competence enough to work with large organizations and their capital provider to apply for complex tax points. Our enterprise is on the market of performance improvement solutions and interim management in the USA more than 5 years and our team belongs to those who play the main role on this market. We render assistance to our customers accomplishing their activity and extend them juridical and fundamental maintenance that allow to optimize imposition of tax.
It is necessary for you to proceed with an application in our HR department and to be interviewed if being a competent team player is your characteristic.
Our company offers full and part time employment for people of honesty and reliability, for those who possess management competence and good work ethics. The major requirements for applicants who are suitable for our process are presented below:
–       Facilitation skills which give an option of working and multitasking in a fast emerging surrounding without any mistakes to be made all expedient training courses will be within the first working month
–        Structuring experience and quick access to information. Experience of MS office
–       Capability of working under pressure
Your liabilities:
–       Monitoring and elaborating payoffs from the customers on our behalf
–       Making reports every week and month
–       Observing senior management instructions
Wages: Main wages of 2,000 together with 5% comm for every processed operation.
Enterprise will also be responsible for all banking and other relevant levies.
Available vacancy at present is: Financial assistant
Our HR managers can explain everything you interested at any convenient for you time.
After the first contact we will find you through email or connect with you by means of phone promptly. If you have any interest – please let us to be sent with your curriculum vitae through email or fax:

This letter was addressed to you accomplished upon studying your personal information on Carrier builder.
Give me a chance of presenting our organization to you. Our enterprise was grounded in 1983 when its cofounders caught the eventuality of guaranteeing drastically diverse advice and hands-on backing to companies coming across problems in operational and financial field – events involving action, real results and objectivity. Like corporate doctors, the founders constructed a culture which had a long history – uniting together functional experts, operating managers and consultants. The enterprise branched out to encourage capacity and expand universal reach and abilities. Orienting in either world tax planning or local laws navigation, our tax experts are able to cope with main undertakings. Our firm is in business over 5 years dealing with performance improvement solutions and interim management in US and it is one of the major figures on this market. We support our consumers perfecting their presentation and give them licit and valid tax covers that assists in tax assessment optimization.
If you think that you are capable send an application in our HR department to have an interview. If working out of comfort of your own house is for you we are ready to provide you with such a possibility.
Expectants with the following requirements can address to our firm:
–       Organizational experience that gives a chance of coping with different things in a fast-growing medium without making errors
–       Skills in structuring and immediate information access. Microsoft office skills
–       Aptitude to function within tight schedule
Your duties:
–       Managing and checking discharges from the consumers on our behalf
–       Getting weekly and monthly reports ready
–       Being under senior management guide
Payment: Base payment of 2,000 in parallel with 5 percent fee for every closed deal.
Organization will also take all banking and other work related charges.
Vacant place at the present moment is: Financial assistant
At any time convenient for you all the details can be discussed by you together with our HR managers. Initially contacted our company will get into touch with you via email or with the help of phone instantaneously. Please send us your personal information, skills and experience via email or fax.

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